The Morning Sun
J.T. Knoll
November 2005
USA

True Stories - Apples to Apples

There was a fat slice of moon and about a million little pieces of star hanging in the nearly black southeast Kansas sky at 5:30 a.m. Thanksgiving Day. The only ones up - other than my wife, Linda, and granddog, Andre - were circling paper carriers, trash men in their massive, groaning trucks, KCS railroaders headed south out of town on a rumbling coal train, and women hosting Thanksgiving day dinners - those sliding turkeys into ovens, vacuuming floors, dusting furniture, and putting leaves in dining room tables. Arranging things so their guests might feel they arrived at the right place. And at the right time.
Drinking coffee after my stroll, I found myself first wishing I didn't have to run around so much between family gatherings, but, after sitting in centering prayer outside on an old glider near the garage, laughed at the absurdity of whining about having to eat two of the best meals I'll eat all year Š in communion with the people I love most.

If your Thanksgiving traditions are anything like ours they always involve stress, most times even a little conflict that has to be resolved as part of our gathering.

Conflict is misunderstood. Some avoid it at all cost, fearing it will cause hard feelings and distance, which in some cases is true. But conflict also, if approached with a civil search for resolution, is a way of clearing the air and opening the door for closeness and fun. Of course, my view might have something to do with being a member of the fully opinionated Fowler clan from Arcadia and growing up in the Republic of Frontenac where a verbal fracas, complete with Italian sign language, is looked upon as neighborly conversation.

Dinner with my wife's family was held at Gary and Marianne O'Nelio's: turkey (smoked and baked), green beans, salad, corn casserole, mashed potatoes, pasta, dressing, cranberries, rolls, pie and more served at tables in the kitchen and living room. I was careful to eat only one large plate full and no dessert - an exercise in controlled gorging - as I would be having another meal at the Knoll household in two hours.

No conflict to speak of during dinner but, as I was leaving to pick up my dad at Sunset Manor and head to Frontenac, my wife was pulling out a new game called "Apples to Apples" for the family to enjoy around the dining room table. (No one's really certain what the Pilgrims and Indians did after their meal as part of their first Thanksgiving fellowship back in 1621, but, in our family, we like to think that, if not cards or board games, they matched wits in some way or another.)

After seating dad at the head of the table at the home place and visiting a while with my family, I filled a plate. No need to control my eating this time. I loaded up, ate too much and then ate some more, finishing off with a piece of custard pie.

When I got back out to the O'Nelios, I heard loud, spirited voices coming from the dining room as I walked up to the house. Once inside, I found 12 family members from age 16 to 80 engaged in feisty debate. I soon learned it was the "Apples To Apples" game that was responsible for the "increase in intimacy."

It's a game of comparison and exchange. To play, participants draw up to seven red cards with the names of people (Elvis), places (New Orleans), or things (blizzard) on them and are asked to select one that compares best with a single card drawn at random - a green card with an adjective (desperate) and its definition on it. Each in the game then takes a turn at judging which person's selection is the best match on each round.

Although it sounds harmless enough, the game quickly turns from "Apples to Apples" to "Argument to Argument" when a participant disagrees with the judge's decision. There was quite an intense exchange, for instance, when the judge (my wife) selected "Elvis" over "New Orleans" (my son's selection) as the best match for the word "Desperate."

I must report that, although there is no limit to the amount of trouble you can get into when debating the meaning of words, at our gathering, no fisticuffs ensued. So if you're looking for a way, over the holidays, to draw focus from the passive watching of TV to a spirited exchange of feelings, thoughts and ideas - spiked with certain differences of opinion - this word comparison game is for you.

Speaking of word comparisons, from the earliest days of Christianity, the ritual of the Eucharist, or Communion, was among the most mysterious of practices to outsiders. The primary meaning of the word Eucharist is "grateful remembrance" which comes from a Greek word meaning '"thanksgiving." We can only hope our modern Thanksgiving traditions compare with the communion the Pilgrims and Indians experienced in sharing their food and fellowship at Plymouth Plantation so long ago.

J.T. Knoll is a writer, speaker and prevention and wellness coordinator at Pittsburg State University. He also operates Knoll Training, Consulting & Counseling Services in Pittsburg.

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